Kaepora the Smasher
by archaeo95
Summary: This is my entry for the Smash Mansion ten-line fanfic contest. Kaepora Gaebora joins the Smashers. Oh God.


This story is my entry for Smash Mansion's ten-line fic writing contest, in which you need to use ten of thirty predetermined lines in your entry. So join Smash Mansion, visit our forums and join the contest! Entries must be submitted by September fifteenth.

-

It was a relatively uninteresting day at the Smash Mansion. The fine drizzle of rain outside confined everyone to a day consisting of television-watching and junk food-eating.

Peach sat on the sofa while reading a magazine article when the door bell rang.

"Ooh! That must be him!" squealed Master Hank gleefully as he floated down the staircase. He opened the door, revealing a police squadron that had their guns drawn.

"Mr. Master Hand, it has come to our attention that you have provided insufficient or hazardous living space for your employees. Let us inspect your property or we shall do so by force," informed the chief of police.

Master Hand looked at Sonic's rotting body laying several feet away from him.

"W-what are you talking about?" he stuttered as he began to sweat. "I treat my employees with the utmost respect and kindness!"

"Then I hope you don't mind if we-"

Master Hand crushed the police squadron and swept them under a bush.

"Now that that's over with…"

The door bell rang again. "Hello!" the hand greeted when he saw the guest. "Please come in!"

An abnormally large, brown-feathered owl waddled in and looked at the confused crowd of Smashers.

_Omigosh he's so hot, _thought Peach as she stared at the bird with a dreamy look in her eyes. _He's so muscular and lean and handsome and sparkly and his lush feathers blow in the breeze and_-

"Everyone!" Master Hand announced, snapping Peach out of her daydream. "This is our newest Smasher: Kaepora Gaebora! Please give him a warm welcome and don't throw killer leeches on him like you did with Wario."

Mario kicked Wario's corpse under the loveseat when Master Hand left the room.

Peach saw Zelda run up to the new Smasher. "Hey Kaepy!" the Hyrulean princess crooned as she gave her owl boyfriend a tight hug. "I didn't know you were coming!"

_Those two KNOW each other? _fumed Peach. _We're going to have to change that._ She skipped up to Kaepora and Zelda.

"Hey there, hot stuff," flirted Peach, winking sexily at Kaepora.

"…And who are you?" asked Kaepora, looking strangely at the mushroom princess.

"I'm Peach, the wondrous princess of the Mushroom Kingdom!" boasted Peach, doing a twirl.

Kaepora and Zelda left.

"Mee-yow," said Wolf, pawing playfully at Peach.

The crying Peach bolted to her room.

"Why won't she love me?" grumbled Wolf.

-

_This plan is fool-proof, _thought Peach, putting on a moustache and picking up a cardboard box with the word _pizza _scrawled on it in black marker. She walked across the hallway to Zelda's door and put her ear to the wall.

"HOOT! HOOT!" screamed Zelda.

"Oh yeah, do it baby," Kaepora urged.

Peach knocked twice on the door and worried about what she was going to see.

"Oh, hello…" greeted Kaepora after he answered the door. "Honey, you can stop doing your owl impression!" he yelled to Zelda, who was standing on the bed with her arms outstretched and making owl noises.

"Anyway, how can I help you?" asked Kaepora.

Peach stuck the cardboard box out to the owl. "I have the pizza you order-"

"What are you doing here, Shirley?" Zelda asked from across the room.

"Shirley?" asked Kaepora.

Peach ripped off her moustache. "STOP CALLING ME SHIRLEY!" she screamed crazily as she began running around Zelda's room and tearing up everything in sight.

"NO! STOP! I'M GOING TO HAVE TO REDESIGN THIS WHOLE ROOM!" shrieked Zelda, putting her hands over her face.

"REDESIGN THIS!" screamed Peach, electrocuting Kaepora's prized aquarium of goldfish.

"My fish!" he cried, tears streaming from his eyes. Kaepora pushed his aquarium of dead fish at Peach in retaliation. It hit her leg, splashing water and dead goldfish all over Zelda's purple carpet. Peach stumbled out of the room before Zelda slammed the door behind her.

Peach panted heavily in the hallway.

"Oh _Peach_," Wolf strummed his guitar while he sang to the bleeding princess. "How I _looove…_"

Peach stormed into her room.

Wolf placed down his guitar, sobbing.

-

"We have another new Smasher!" Master Hand announced to the unexcited Smashers. "What's your name again?" he asked the brown haired girl standing in the doorway.

"Daisy!" said Daisy.

Kaepora waddled up to Daisy. "Mee-yow," he cooed.

"WHAT? I thought you loved me!" screeched Zelda after she overheard Kaepora.

Kaepora didn't hear her as he was making out with Daisy.

"How **_dare_** Daisy try and get with my soul mate!" yelled Peach.

Daisy didn't hear her as she was making out with Kaepora.

Peach slit Daisy's throat.

-

My ten lines were:

1. 'Killer leeches'

2. "Mee-yow," said Wolf.

3. "HOOT! HOOT!" screamed Zelda.

4. 'ripped off her moustache'

5. "Stop calling me Shirley!"

6. "REDESIGN THIS!" screamed Peach, elect-

7. 'Kaepora pushed his'

8. 'placed down his guitar, sobbing'

9. "Daisy!" said Daisy.

10. 'mee-yow'


End file.
